Using a Vibrator for Better Sex

Bringing toys into the relationship can maximize both pleasure and intimacy

Vibrators are tons of fun for solo play, as many of us are well aware. But if you’ve yet to experience how absolutely amazing they are for partner sex, you’re missing out on an entire world of untapped pleasure.

Specifically, you’re missing out on some incredible orgasms. The knee-wobbling, breathtaking, rock-you-to-the-core kind of orgasms. Though it may seem like bringing a toy between you and your partner could make things less intimate, it’s actually the exact opposite. Incorporating a vibrator encourages pleasure-positive dialogue among couples.

If you’re like me — a woman who has never been able to orgasm from penetration alone — then you’re in good company. Those of us who need clitoral stimulation in order to climax are part of a large group: we’re the seventy-five percenters. According to an analysis of over 33 studies over the past 80 years, only a quarter of vulva-owners can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.

Sure, having your partner go down on you is an amazing, beautiful thing. And of course, the stimulating use of his fingers has its own unique appeal. But you don’t want to limit your avenues of orgasmic pleasure.

I absolutely love the feeling of coming while being penetrated by my partner. And, I love being able to do that multiple times in one session.

A vibrator can help us easily achieve all of this and more.

Though it may seem like bringing a toy between you and your partner could make things less intimate, it’s actually the exact opposite. Incorporating a vibrator encourages pleasure-positive dialogue among couples.

Choose empowerment over insecurity

Maybe you’ve never introduced toys into couple’s play. Or maybe you’ve used a vibrator with previous partners, but have yet to do so with your current one. Perhaps you’re single and enjoying casual sex, but a vibrator seems like too much if you haven’t been with the person before.

I’m a prime example of someone who used to be super shy about putting my sexual needs out there. It took me a long time to get comfortable enough with my body to accept that I deserved just as much pleasure from sex as my male partner experienced.

If you can relate to my shy, awkward, insecure feelings when I first started exploring how to make sex better for me, I’m here to tell you that it’s definitely worth it to power through. We can’t help how we feel, but we can help how we respond.

Don’t let fear or sexual shame stop you from experiencing all the pleasure you can. And don’t be so worried about hurting your partner’s feelings that you avoid bringing it up.

If a man feels intimidated by a vibrator rather than the much more sensible reaction of sheer exhilaration that you’re going to get even more pleasure out of sex with him, there needs to be some communication to break down that irrational barrier.

Vibrators are to sex like icing is to cake. You can make a cake without any frosting, sure. But that sweet, decadent frosting is what we’re here for.

The hottest positions for vibrator sex

Depending on the position, certain vibrators work better because they fit between you and your partner more easily — like a bullet, mini wand, or a wearable finger vibrator. For other positions, you can experiment with bigger, more powerful wands or dildos with external, vibrating clitoral stimulation.

There are some really great devices out there nowadays made specifically for partner play, like hands-free vibes designed to stay in place during sex. Try different things and have fun discovering what you like best. Personally, I’ve come to find that you don’t have to spend a lot to get the same earth-shattering orgasms.

Here are some of my favorite ways to use a vibrator with a partner.

1. Missionary sex

Missionary has always been extremely hot to me, never boring. Even before I used a vibrator during sex, I loved the intimacy missionary allows. My partner can do so much in this position: he can lock eyes with me, kiss me deeply, suck my nipples or tease them with his tongue, pull my hair and suck on my neck or nibble on my ear — all why thrusting into me either hard and deep or torturously slow.

And when we place a vibrator between us, I go absolutely fucking crazy — in the best possible way. A small bullet vibrator works perfectly for missionary. I ordered a sleek metal one online for about thirteen bucks that packs an incredible punch.

He can fuck me at such an angle that it stays on my clit without either of us having to hold it there as his shaft moves in and out. When he’s fully inside me, the pressure of the vibe becomes more intense. Eventually, the intermittent pressure of a lesser vibration when he slides out and a more intense vibe when he’s buried deep builds to an incredible orgasm, and it’s all hands-free.

If I come before he does, I can go again. And the feel of his continued thrusting after I’ve climaxed intensifies my orgasm and makes the waves of pleasure carry on longer.

As a bonus, he loves the feel of my vaginal walls tightening around his cock when I come, and he often says as much out loud when we’re going at it. (This goes for any position that allows for simultaneous fucking and vibing.)

2. Doggy style

Doggy style goes from feeling nice to absolutely fucking incredible with a vibrator against my clit. The position allows for deeper, harder penetration at a pleasurable angle. He can pull my hair or grab and squeeze my hips hard, and I come within minutes, giving me enough time to come again — if he can last long enough. (My partner, a self-proclaimed ass man, LOVES this position. So sometimes, if it’s been a while, he comes a little earlier than his usual, and I truly don’t blame him.)

There is also the added benefit of using a larger vibrator in this position. It can really be any type of vibrator, as long as you can hold it with one hand and balance yourself on all fours with the other. So get creative.

3. Prone bone

The difference in sensations is really something when we vibe in this position. If I’m being fucked while lying on my belly with my closed thighs squeezing my partner’s cock, my clitoris isn’t as exposed. It’s especially helpful if I’ve already orgasmed once and my clit is extra sensitive. I can place a smaller vibe between me and the bed, grinding on it as he thrusts.

It’s quite glorious.

4. Spooning

Using a vibrator while spooning can leave a gal utterly blissed out in no time. My breasts and neck and mouth are available to him if I hold the toy. It’s also fun to let him hold it against me while I lift my upper leg and hook it around his waist. I love to look over my shoulder and kiss while we’re doing this. Kissing and fucking and coming — all at the same time — is the ultimate.

Thanks, vibrator.

5. Blow job

Blow jobs turn me on anyway — but I certainly don’t achieve orgasm through a blow job alone. Giving him pleasure gets me all hot and bothered though, so I get super warmed up and wet while I work him with my mouth. Adding a vibrator to that is a guaranteed orgasm for me.

Sometimes I’ll hold it to my clit while I suck on him, keeping one hand free to massage his balls. Other times I’ll kneel next to him on the bed, blowing him from the opposite direction (my ass near his face), and he’ll hold it between my legs for me. This way, I can pay more attention to his cock with both of my hands and my mouth.

It’s also pretty fun to assume the 69 position. While I give him head, he can fuck me with his tongue and uses a smaller vibrator at the same time. The possibilities are many.

6. Cowgirl/reverse cowgirl

As much as being submissive turns me on, my partner loves it when I’m on top. I’m pretty enthusiastic about it too when a powerful toy is involved.

It’s so easy in the forward cowgirl position to place it between my clit and his lower abdomen. I can ride him at my preferred speed and angle, grinding against the vibrator with the added pleasure of his cock filling me. It’s important to note that while I’ve never come from penetration alone, the feel of it really adds to my pleasure.

He’s let me know he can feel the vibrations as well and loves the sensation, so it’s added pleasure all around.

7. All tied up

This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but one of my absolute favorite things to experience during sex is feeling powerless against someone who is delivering pleasure to my body.

When my partner and I ordered under-the-bed restraints, I got to experience that feeling in a way that was more realistic and palpable. I always loved when he grabbed my wrists in his hand and put them above my head, but with the restraint system, he cuffed each of my wrists at the top corners of the bed, and each of my ankles at the bottom corners. This left me completely exposed with my legs spread wide open.

First, he made me come with just a vibrator and two fingers inside me. For the second orgasm, he entered me with his cock and used the vibrator on me at the same time. I had to communicate how hard I wanted it, how powerful I needed the vibrations to be. I was physically powerless, totally exposed, but communicating vocally. And I was screaming (the good kind) by the end of it.

8. Pegging

Pegging is something my partner really enjoys. A while back, we bought a small dildo and harness and tried it for the first time, and it was an incredibly empowering experience for me. I learned a lot about the kind of physical energy it takes to fuck somebody (all that thrusting is quite the workout).

One thing that made it way more pleasurable for me was when I thought to slip my bullet vibe between the harness and my clit. The harness fits tightly enough to keep the vibrator in just the right spot, and when I fully penetrate my partner, it presses against me harder, increasing my pleasure with each thrust. I can’t actually reach his cock very well when I’m pegging him, but he loves to stroke himself as I thrust. We get into a good rhythm, and we’re able to come simultaneously.

I may look into purchasing a toy that vibrates while penetrating both of us, but until then, this method works quite well.

Better sex for both of you — and better communication

In a male/female couple, using a vibrator not only intensifies the woman’s pleasure but also improves sexual communication, thereby enhancing intimacy.

For almost any sexual position, the woman can choose to hold the vibrator against her while her male partner penetrates her and/or plays with other erogenous zones of her body like her breasts, neck, butt — whatever she likes. This allows her to control the pressure and angle of the toy the entire time. However, her partner can hold it as well and make her come all on his own — as long as she can effectively communicate instructions of when to increase pressure, pull back, change the angle, etc.

If a couple gets to the point where the woman can describe to her partner how to best use a vibrator on her, and her partner does a good job of listening, then the two have made great strides in intimate communication.

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