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Sex

The Art of the Dominant Blow Job

Sometimes I like it rough and kinky — even when it comes to oral


Outside of my sex life, I thrive on independence and empowerment. I was once married to a man who tried to control and manipulate every aspect of my daily life, and it was a miserable four years of abusive arguments.

Suffice it to say that I don’t mix well with alfa males when they don’t respect my strong personality or my need for autonomy within a relationship.

But sexually, a man who knows how to be controlling, dominant, and even a bit rough in the bedroom leaves me wet and squirming with desire. Being taken, being grabbed and manhandled and fucked hard — it’s some of the hottest sex I’m able to experience, both physically and mentally.

I’ve always been drawn to rough sex — specifically from the submissive side. I’m incredibly turned on by, say, a man pinning me against a wall and pulling my hair as he slides his cock inside me, fucking me with strong, pounding thrusts, like he can’t get deep enough inside me.

This exchange of power — wherein a man admires my intelligence and capable decisionmaking outside of the bedroom but knows how to meet my needs by controlling me in the bedroom — applies to the art of fellatio as well.

In other words, I love a good face-fucking. And as a feminist, I stand by my right to love a good face-fucking.

Only because you know my body intimately, you know what I like, you know what I can take, and know that giving up the control I maintain all day gives me the most intense erotic pleasure, leading to my ultimate orgasmic release once it’s my turn.

The art of submission and giving head

There’s something comforting in getting on my knees and letting him take the lead with everything — depth, pace, angle, position, and so on. As long as all is consensual and we communicate about what we’re doing beforehand, it’s an intensely pleasurable sexual experience for me.

I’ve had one terrible experience with oral sex, and that was my very first blow job. It was non-consensual and caught me completely off guard, making me tense up to the point that I didn’t stop it.

This is sexual assault, which has nothing to do with my love of power exchange and consensual rough sex. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the difference between the two, so I have to lead with this disclaimer.

Yes, fuck my mouth while you pull my hair. Choke me with your cock until I gag. Use me for your pleasure until your come shoots down my throat — but only after we’ve communicated about it beforehand.

Only because you know my body intimately, you know what I like, you know what I can take, and know that giving up the control I maintain all day gives me the most intense erotic pleasure, leading to my ultimate orgasmic release once it’s my turn.

Bondage and blow jobs

I love kneeling on the floor, pleasing him orally with my wrists tied together. Tying the wrists in front is the hottest and most practical, as I can still bring my hands up to stroke his cock or play with his balls as he’s holding the back of my head and guiding himself between my lips.

I discovered my passion for bondage long ago, and it’s been one of my biggest kinks ever since. A rope, a tie, silk scarf, Velcro bonds, handcuffs — each of them bring a little something different as far as look and feel.

Metal cuffs will bite into my wrists just enough to create a little pleasurable pain, while a furry Velcro strap will be comfortable and feather-soft.

It’s all about what you’re in the mood for.

Image by Espressolia from Pixabay

Binding the wrists in front is also better because I’m able to have some control over how deep he goes — if I need to. While the idea is to let go completely, safety is a priority. I very much have a gag reflex, and while I like pushing that a little, I don’t want to puke all over him or find myself unable to breathe.

I’ve given a blow job with my hands tied behind my back as well, and it was certainly a thrill. It’s not impossible to do safely, but you have to be able to work out a non-verbal signal beforehand so you can communicate discomfort or if a hard limit has been crossed.

Upsidedown oral

One of my favorite submissive positions for giving a man oral is lying down on my back with my head hanging over the edge of the bed. Not unlike the upsidedown Spider-Man kiss, only it’s fellatio instead of kissing. This means my mouth will be upside down when taking his cock, with the head of his penis rubbing along the roof of my mouth as it makes its way to the back of my throat.

This angle changes things up a bit, allowing me to glide my tongue easily over the top side of his shaft as he thrusts in and out. I have access to his balls, and he gets a lovely visual of my naked form sprawled across the bed.

One of the best parts is how this gives his hands easy access to my body. I can work my tongue and hands on him while he massages my breasts, plays with my nipples, and rubs my clit to completion.

This position has a fantastic advantage because it allows us to both come, which isn’t hard for me to do at that point, as giving head is a major turn-on for me that can help me climax easier and faster.

But again, this is a position you have to take care to do safely. As with any rough or dominant/submissive sex, checking in is vital. Both parties have to consider things like neck strain and being careful that the receiver’s head isn’t in the upsidedown position for longer than is comfortable.

Dominant 69

For me, the 69 position will never go out of style. Even though I like some dominant fellatio, I prefer to be on top with this one. It’s just a matter of being able to breathe and avoiding a pair of testicles up the nostrils — not the most conducive to pleasure.

And, he can still be in control of the pace and depth even if he’s on the bottom, meeting my head bobbing by thrusting his hips up while he pleases me orally at the same time. If he also penetrates my vagina with his fingers while circling my clit with his tongue, it’s an amazing sensation.

It’s about my pleasure too

As I’ve mentioned, giving head turns me on, getting me hot and bothered enough to help me on my way to orgasm. I love knowing that I’m giving him pleasure, but at the same time, I want that pleasure too.

Equal opportunity pleasure.

To this end, I love to lie back in bed, my head on a comfy pillow, and turn on my side with him on his knees in front of me. In this position, he can grab my head or my hair and lift me up slightly, plunging himself into my mouth and controlling the motions while leaving one of his hands free to please me.

I love when he uses a vibrator on me in this position. Or, I can use one on myself. I can experience several shuddering climaxes while my moans of ecstasy are muffled by his cock. Having my mouth covered with a gag or my partner’s hand is a big kink of mine, and that same feeling can be translated to a cock shoved in my mouth as a muffle.

By using a vibrator with both a G-spot and clitoral stimulator, I come multiple times. And if we time it just right, we can come at the same time. Which is a pretty big indicator of successful partner communication. A team effort for sure.

Final thoughts

For some women, giving a blow job that is anything other than gentle isn’t a good time. And some prefer not to give blow jobs at all. We all have our turn-ons and our limits, and finding a partner who is compatible or willing to be compatible isn’t always easy.

I suspect I’m hardwired for rough play, and everyone’s threshold for that is different. What I find to be the perfect amount of force might be too gentle for the next person, and vice versa.

This is why partner communication and enthusiastic consent is key. When you have that worked out and you can get to know your partner’s style, the level of erotic intimacy you can achieve together is limitless.

Feature image by depositphotos on Stockphoto


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