Month: November 2020

Categories
Sex

Women Orgasm During Sleep, Too

Wet dreams. Nocturnal emissions. Sleep orgasms. Whatever you want to call it, they all mean the same thing. And they can happen to anyone — not just a hormone-crazed teenage boy.

I’m sure it must be a confusing, messy, emotionally charged event for a young man to experience his first nocturnal emission. You go to bed dry, and you suddenly wake from a weird dream about your freshmen art teacher pole-dancing at a strip club full of cats drinking martinis, and you’re covered in your own sticky mess, feeling a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment.

It’s a totally normal, healthy biological event during puberty. But this kind of spontaneous orgasm doesn’t just happen to adolescent boys. It can happen well into adulthood. And it can happen to women, too.

Unsurprisingly, there’s not a ton of research on the subject. One 1986 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 37% of women have experienced at least one sleep orgasm.

I, happily, have experienced far more.

Not everyone likes it

I started digging into the female “sleepgasm” after reading a fantastic article from traceybyfire, who presents a clever and fascinating view on the subject, but from a completely different angle. She wakes up writhing and thrashing on the bed, jolted out of sleep violently. Suffice it to say, it’s not her ideal way to exit dreamland. Sometimes I Orgasm in My Sleep
Thoughts on why it happens and how to prevent it.

But everyone’s body is different. I wake from a sleep orgasm slowly, floating pleasantly into reality as soft waves of pleasure pulsate outward from deep within my ladybits.

I don’t thrash around the bed or twist myself up in my sheets. I literally feel myself travel from sleep to consciousness, my body still, no physical movement except for maybe a slight thrusting of my pelvis — because at that point, I’m wanting to keep it going. I’m wanting more.

It doesn’t happen often. Once in a blue moon I’ll experience this phenomenon, orgasming with absolutely no stimulation from any outside force.

It’s like magic.

It used to freak me out

Although I enjoy it now, that wasn’t always the case. Though boys may hear about it from parents, friends, the internet, or sex ed, there’s just not a lot of talk about how it affects females.

I was young when it first happened to me. Maybe ten years old — before I even knew or understood what an orgasm was. I didn’t wake up messy, but I had no idea what my body was doing. It didn’t hurt or feel bad at all, quite the opposite really, but I couldn’t figure out why this unusual activity was going on down there, and we tend to fear the unknown.

It felt pretty much the same back then as it does now — slow, subtle waves of pleasure that start during a dream and gradually get stronger, until the sensation wakes me up at its peak, and then slowly starts to fade.

As a kid, when I had no idea what the hell was going on, the dreams I had were strange. I dreamed of someone touching me, and there were a few times I honestly feared that someone was fondling me in my sleep — that’s how real it felt.

It was a confusing, anxious time as I made my way into puberty. And it was something I couldn’t even put words to. I couldn’t communicate my concern to my parents.

Talking erotic fantasies with your partner

Photo by Jonathan J. Castellon on Unsplash

When I started masturbating as a teen and discovered what a conscious orgasm from physical stimulation felt like, it was a much more intense physical experience and far more pleasurable than the subtler sleep orgasm.

From that point on, I’d experience an orgasm in my sleep maybe two or three times a year. And when it happens, I’m usually dreaming of something erotic.

I sometimes have incredibly realistic sex dreams where an Adonis of a man is just going to town on me. I literally feel the penetration — I feel his dick thrusting in and out of my vagina like it’s the real deal.

There have been times when I’ve woken up just when I was about to climax, and I’ll find myself squeezing my legs together, my hand on my aching vulva, wanting desperately to bring myself to completion. The worst is when a busy morning routine doesn’t allow time for masturbation or morning sex.

But even if I do climax during sleep, it’s a sleep-dampened version that just leaves me wanting more. It’s like the appetizer of orgasms — enough to whet my appetite, but not enough to satiate me.

I’ll communicate these events to my partner. Usually during sexy texts exchanged while we’re both at work. I’ll tell him about a sex dream I’ve had in detail — whether it’s about him or not. He often does the same if he has an erotic dream.

Whether you orgasm in your sleep or not, communicating sexual dreams you can’t control or even sexual fantasies you imagine while awake can really spice things up in your romantic relationship.

When he and I talk or text about our strange sex dreams or our sexual fantasies in general, it creates this delicious build-up for when we have sex that night (or, sometimes more realistically, that weekend).

The last time I experienced a sleepgasm, I was actually dreaming of my partner fucking me. Dreamland is the Wild West of the imagination. I could dream about any fantasy my limitless imagination can concoct, and my mind goes and dreams of my boyfriend. I believe it was because we’d been having a dry spell and I was missing the physical connection with him.

In any case, talk (or text) about your sexual fantasies with your partner. If you don’t already do that, take the initiative and start. Opening that line of conversation up can make you feel quite vulnerable, but it can also make you both feel exquisitely aroused.

The irony

It’s a funny thing that I can’t orgasm from vaginal intercourse without clitoral stimulation, but I can orgasm with no stimulation at all. It’s like having sleep-induced psychic powers. Like sexual-telekinetic superpowers that allow me to think myself into orgasm just from dreaming it.

I’ve never climaxed from vaginal intercourse alone. I’m still holding out hope, and I certainly enjoy trying, but it’s yet to be a thing. I belong to the larger group this rings true for: only a quarter of women consistently experience orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Those lucky ducks. No, I don’t let this get me down. I’m perfectly happy to orgasm through clitoral stimulation while simultaneously being penetrated by my partner’s fingers or cock — it just takes some multi-tasking, and that’s A-okay.

And while nocturnal orgasms are more common during our teenage years — the time our hormones are raging as our sexual organs start to reach maturity — it can also happen well into adulthood.

It’s imperative to keep communication active when it comes to sexuality and sexual biological functions, whether it’s within our romantic relationships, or with our children who may be confused and questioning a certain experience.

I make it a point to let my partner know that he can always come to me with fantasies, and I won’t judge — as long as he gives me the same courtesy.

Thank you for reading! You can find more of my work at https://medium.com/@holly.bradshaw .

Featured Image by Dieter Robbins from Pixabay

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Categories
Sex

The Art of the Dominant Blow Job

Sometimes I like it rough and kinky — even when it comes to oral

Outside of my sex life, I thrive on independence and empowerment. I was once married to a man who tried to control and manipulate every aspect of my daily life, and it was a miserable four years of abusive arguments.

Suffice it to say that I don’t mix well with alfa males when they don’t respect my strong personality or my need for autonomy within a relationship.

But sexually, a man who knows how to be controlling, dominant, and even a bit rough in the bedroom leaves me wet and squirming with desire. Being taken, being grabbed and manhandled and fucked hard — it’s some of the hottest sex I’m able to experience, both physically and mentally.

I’ve always been drawn to rough sex — specifically from the submissive side. I’m incredibly turned on by, say, a man pinning me against a wall and pulling my hair as he slides his cock inside me, fucking me with strong, pounding thrusts, like he can’t get deep enough inside me.

This exchange of power — wherein a man admires my intelligence and capable decisionmaking outside of the bedroom but knows how to meet my needs by controlling me in the bedroom — applies to the art of fellatio as well.

In other words, I love a good face-fucking. And as a feminist, I stand by my right to love a good face-fucking.

Only because you know my body intimately, you know what I like, you know what I can take, and know that giving up the control I maintain all day gives me the most intense erotic pleasure, leading to my ultimate orgasmic release once it’s my turn.

The art of submission and giving head

There’s something comforting in getting on my knees and letting him take the lead with everything — depth, pace, angle, position, and so on. As long as all is consensual and we communicate about what we’re doing beforehand, it’s an intensely pleasurable sexual experience for me.

I’ve had one terrible experience with oral sex, and that was my very first blow job. It was non-consensual and caught me completely off guard, making me tense up to the point that I didn’t stop it.

This is sexual assault, which has nothing to do with my love of power exchange and consensual rough sex. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the difference between the two, so I have to lead with this disclaimer.

Yes, fuck my mouth while you pull my hair. Choke me with your cock until I gag. Use me for your pleasure until your come shoots down my throat — but only after we’ve communicated about it beforehand.

Only because you know my body intimately, you know what I like, you know what I can take, and know that giving up the control I maintain all day gives me the most intense erotic pleasure, leading to my ultimate orgasmic release once it’s my turn.

Bondage and blow jobs

I love kneeling on the floor, pleasing him orally with my wrists tied together. Tying the wrists in front is the hottest and most practical, as I can still bring my hands up to stroke his cock or play with his balls as he’s holding the back of my head and guiding himself between my lips.

I discovered my passion for bondage long ago, and it’s been one of my biggest kinks ever since. A rope, a tie, silk scarf, Velcro bonds, handcuffs — each of them bring a little something different as far as look and feel.

Metal cuffs will bite into my wrists just enough to create a little pleasurable pain, while a furry Velcro strap will be comfortable and feather-soft.

It’s all about what you’re in the mood for.

Image by Espressolia from Pixabay

Binding the wrists in front is also better because I’m able to have some control over how deep he goes — if I need to. While the idea is to let go completely, safety is a priority. I very much have a gag reflex, and while I like pushing that a little, I don’t want to puke all over him or find myself unable to breathe.

I’ve given a blow job with my hands tied behind my back as well, and it was certainly a thrill. It’s not impossible to do safely, but you have to be able to work out a non-verbal signal beforehand so you can communicate discomfort or if a hard limit has been crossed.

Upsidedown oral

One of my favorite submissive positions for giving a man oral is lying down on my back with my head hanging over the edge of the bed. Not unlike the upsidedown Spider-Man kiss, only it’s fellatio instead of kissing. This means my mouth will be upside down when taking his cock, with the head of his penis rubbing along the roof of my mouth as it makes its way to the back of my throat.

This angle changes things up a bit, allowing me to glide my tongue easily over the top side of his shaft as he thrusts in and out. I have access to his balls, and he gets a lovely visual of my naked form sprawled across the bed.

One of the best parts is how this gives his hands easy access to my body. I can work my tongue and hands on him while he massages my breasts, plays with my nipples, and rubs my clit to completion.

This position has a fantastic advantage because it allows us to both come, which isn’t hard for me to do at that point, as giving head is a major turn-on for me that can help me climax easier and faster.

But again, this is a position you have to take care to do safely. As with any rough or dominant/submissive sex, checking in is vital. Both parties have to consider things like neck strain and being careful that the receiver’s head isn’t in the upsidedown position for longer than is comfortable.

Dominant 69

For me, the 69 position will never go out of style. Even though I like some dominant fellatio, I prefer to be on top with this one. It’s just a matter of being able to breathe and avoiding a pair of testicles up the nostrils — not the most conducive to pleasure.

And, he can still be in control of the pace and depth even if he’s on the bottom, meeting my head bobbing by thrusting his hips up while he pleases me orally at the same time. If he also penetrates my vagina with his fingers while circling my clit with his tongue, it’s an amazing sensation.

It’s about my pleasure too

As I’ve mentioned, giving head turns me on, getting me hot and bothered enough to help me on my way to orgasm. I love knowing that I’m giving him pleasure, but at the same time, I want that pleasure too.

Equal opportunity pleasure.

To this end, I love to lie back in bed, my head on a comfy pillow, and turn on my side with him on his knees in front of me. In this position, he can grab my head or my hair and lift me up slightly, plunging himself into my mouth and controlling the motions while leaving one of his hands free to please me.

I love when he uses a vibrator on me in this position. Or, I can use one on myself. I can experience several shuddering climaxes while my moans of ecstasy are muffled by his cock. Having my mouth covered with a gag or my partner’s hand is a big kink of mine, and that same feeling can be translated to a cock shoved in my mouth as a muffle.

By using a vibrator with both a G-spot and clitoral stimulator, I come multiple times. And if we time it just right, we can come at the same time. Which is a pretty big indicator of successful partner communication. A team effort for sure.

Final thoughts

For some women, giving a blow job that is anything other than gentle isn’t a good time. And some prefer not to give blow jobs at all. We all have our turn-ons and our limits, and finding a partner who is compatible or willing to be compatible isn’t always easy.

I suspect I’m hardwired for rough play, and everyone’s threshold for that is different. What I find to be the perfect amount of force might be too gentle for the next person, and vice versa.

This is why partner communication and enthusiastic consent is key. When you have that worked out and you can get to know your partner’s style, the level of erotic intimacy you can achieve together is limitless.

Feature image by depositphotos on Stockphoto

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Categories
Sex

The Hottest Lingerie on Amazon

Dressing for sex can be a much-needed break from the routine

I have a fetish for lingerie.

I love the look of an itty bitty nightdress or the shaping power of a sexy corset. I get turned on by the feel of silky smooth stockings and garters. And the way lingerie highlights the curve of my breasts, thighs, and ass can take me from zero body confidence to feeling like a sex goddess.

There’s, of course, something to be said for ripping each other’s clothes off and going at it bare-ass naked, but sometimes the naked-only thing can get a little same-old.

Lingerie is a good way to help a couple break the routine. Taking the time to prepare for sex — to put actual effort into things like music, candles, twinkle lights, champagne, and a sexy outfit — can make sex seem like more of a special occasion.

Sure — I can appreciate that my hubby thinks rolling over and poking me with his erection when I’m half-asleep is “setting the mood,” but sometimes taking it up a notch can be nice.

My Favorite Sexy Basics

I don’t consider lingerie to be covering up. I consider it an artistic and sensual way to decorate my body for lovemaking. It’s a beautiful set of wrapping paper on a gift that’s about to be ripped open.

But as a full-time working mom on a budget, I’m not looking to break the bank for lingerie. There’s some great stuff out there that’s affordable and incredibly sexy.

If you don’t know a ton about lingerie but you’re interested in getting some for you or your partner, the decision-making can be a little overwhelming. There are so many varieties and types, and it’s all about personal style and what looks and feels good.

Even for someone like me, who loves to shop for it, the sheer amount of companies out there selling online makes it difficult to sift through the crap to get to the good stuff.

Here are a few of my favorites, with great reviews, that I would recommend.

1. The Sexy Nightdress

A sheer nightdress like this is somehow sweet and devilishly sexy at the same time. For someone with curves, like me, it’s flowy shape is super flattering. And the split at the upper thigh is a nice, erotic touch. It hugs the breasts and shows them off, but the cut is low enough so that the fabric can be pulled down and the nipples given their fair share of attention during foreplay and sex.

I love when I’m wearing something like this and my husband yanks it down because he just has to see and feel my breasts. It’s all part of the build-up. Anticipation can be a major turn-on.

Photo from Avidlove

2. The Garter Belt

The first time I ordered a garter belt, I had no clue what I was doing. I knew I wanted to start wearing them though. I love the vintage retro look, and I found it so much sexier than your ordinary pair of tights. I picked one from Amazon that looked good to me, along with a pair of thigh-highs, and hoped for the best.

Turns out there was no reason to be intimidated. As long as you get one that fits, it’s easy enough to work out how the metal clips attach to stockings. Even though it seems like more of a hassle, I find this setup more comfortable than pantyhose because everything stays in place.

The key to sex in a garter belt and thigh-highs? No underwear.

Photo from TVRtyle

3. Fishnet Stockings

Speaking of garter belts, you’ll want to get some thigh-highs to go with it. I’m a sucker for all kinds of stockings — I love different colors and patterns. But something about fishnet thigh-highs is super seductive to me.

Warning — don’t attempt to wear stockings for an evening out without the garter belt. Even if they claim to have a “stay up” silicone top, they will do anything but.

Photo from Leg Avenue

4. The Corset

The corset is a wonderful way to round out the garter belt and stockings duo (along with a hot pair of heels). But you could also just go with a corset and nothing else.

These can be intimidating if you’re shopping for one for the first time, especially online. But brands like this have an accurate size chart and tons of reviews from women who give specifics about how they fit.

The most difficult part is getting it on, but with a little effort, you can do it with the help of your partner or on your own. Ones like the underbust corset, pictured below, don’t cover the breasts. They accentuate and give a little boost, but leave them completely accessible. It’s a fun outfit — believe me.

Photo from ShaperX

5. Lace Kimono

I love a good robe. A completely see-through lace robe maybe isn’t the way to go when you have to throw something on to sign for a package (unless you have a thing for your FedEx guy), but where it lacks functionality, it makes up for in raw sex appeal.

This piece can be good for something like making your morning coffee, then fucking on the kitchen counter before you can hit the brew button because your partner is that turned on by the sight of your ass through the sheer fabric.

Photo from Avidlove

6. Satin Chemise Slip

This flirty little chemise is classic. It has fewer frills, it’s more comfortable, and its shape is flattering. I wear something like this to bed often — whether I’m planning for a night of sex or just cuddling up with a book or my vibrator (or both). So versatile.

Photo from Avidlove

7. One Piece Mini Bodysuit

This itty bitty scrap of lace is more like a tattoo than a piece of clothing, and that’s what I love about it. It barely covers anything and it’s mainly decorative — though the straps and bow can be tightened or loosened to shape your breasts a bit. The fabric is stretchy and comfortable, and there’s a wide variety of colors available on Amazon.

Photo from Avidlove

8. The Not-So-Sensible Matching Set

So maybe this isn’t the most sensible bra and underwear to put on for running errands or hitting the gym. But it can be nice to have a fun, frivolous set of floral lace panties and bra just for some sexy time fun. They’ll definitely last through a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, so they have that going for them. And I love that this particular set comes with a matching choker and attached garters. It’s really unique.

Photo from SheIn

9. Push UP Bra

Women with breasts of any size appreciate a good push-up bra. It amplifies the natural beauty we already have, and the level of bounce during love-making activities is greatly increased. I feel more feminine and curvy in one of these, and I love the look, especially the black-and-white stripes. How Tim Burton-esque.

Photo from FallSweet

10. Oversized Plain T

Sometimes the sexiest thing you can wear is a big T-shirt and nothing else. This screams comfort, yet has a fuck-me air about it, especially when you have nothing underneath.

Heels and lace definitely have their place, but a loose, baggy nightshirt feels cozy. Plus, there’s plenty of room for hands to roam everywhere.

Lingerie is Hot — and so is Variety

I don’t wear lingerie all that often, and I don’t think there’s a need to. But variety is the spice of good sex. Changing up what you do once in a while, even in simple ways, can make a big difference.

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Categories
Sex

A Gal’s Guide to Pleasurable Pegging

Flipping the script can feel amazing for both of you

There aren’t a lot of women out there writing how-to articles about the art of pegging. We’ll call it an art, as it can be an insanely pleasurable encounter for all involved if you take it slow at first and communicate clearly with your partner throughout.

To put it simply, pegging is when someone without a penis straps on a dildo and anally penetrates their partner.

I’ve written a story about how pegging can be sexually empowering for a woman, and it’s drawn a lot of questions from readers.

Being able to talk openly and honestly about sex is what I’m about, so I’m glad there are more dialogues happening — especially when it comes to things we want to explore but maybe are a little bit nervous about.

Pegging is definitely one of those more adventurous activities people tend to be nervous to try for the first time. It can be taboo and mysterious — a type of uncharted territory where gender roles are swapped.

The woman gets to experience what it’s like to become the penetrative partner, and the man experiences what it’s like to be on the receiving end — which can lead to a stronger orgasm for him thanks to the prostate stimulation that pegging allows.

It’s a beautiful head trip for a woman like me that can bring immense pleasure in and of itself — mentally and psychologically.

For you vulva owners out there: have you ever tried penetrating your partner with a strap-on? Have you ever taken control and dominated his body, hovering over him and giving him pleasure with every thrust?

Flipping the script in this way is something I highly recommend — just to get a sense of how the other side feels.

But pegging is more than just a way of connecting mentally. It can bring a ton of physical pleasure for the wearer of the strap-on as well.

I’ve had an intense orgasm while pegging my partner, which made it all the more enjoyable for both of us.

Pleasurable pegging for her

My male partner puts pegging at the top of his list of pleasurable activities. I’m pretty sure he’d be up for it any time I offer, and it’s something he’d like to do more of.

He’s shared with me that if he strokes himself to completion while being pegged, he experiences an incredibly intense orgasm.

But it’s also possible to orgasm while doing the pegging.

There are a few ways to achieve this.

1. Use a small vibrator that you can place between the strap-on and your clit.

When you’re first starting out and aren’t sure if you’ll both enjoy pegging, try this simple and economically friendly method before investing a big sum of money into a fancy vibrating harness or a hands-free clit stimulator/strap-on combo.

A bullet toy or mini-vibrator fits snugly between the base of the dildo and your clit. When I did this, I got some major stimulation with every stroke. And when I was close to the edge, I stayed still inside him while letting the orgasm flood through me. It was an unforgettable experience for both of us.

Although the bullet worked fine for me with a basic harness, there are also versions out there that have a nice little pocket for just this purpose.

2. Certain positions and angles

The position, angle, and pace all affect the way the trappings of the strap-on and harness rub against you. For example, lying full-length on your partner’s back while thrusting slowly into his ass is a good way to get some clitoral stimulation.

Doggie style can also work well, as you can easily change the pace and the angle at which you enter him.

Or, if he’s on his back, it can be easier to incorporate more of a circular grinding motion, ensuring your clit is getting some lovely friction.

Experiment with angles, positions, and rhythms that work well for you. And remember to check in with your partner often to make sure everything is feeling good.

3. Double-ended

There are so many fun double dildo devices out there just waiting to be explored. Every woman’s vagina is different, so it can be a bit of trial and error to find the shape and size that works best for you without the device slipping out constantly.

A lot of the double-ended dildos vibrate inside you for excellent G-spot stimulation. Some have a clitoral vibrator on the outside that loves on you with every stroke. There are even harnesses that come with a butt plug attachment — for the woman who loves a little booty stimulation while she goes to town on her partner.

Take a walk on the wild side and pick something that appeals to your pleasure zones. It can be a bit hit or miss, so don’t give up right away if something ends up not working out.

4. Foreplay

Coming before you start pegging (or getting very close to it) is a great way to keep the pleasure going for you as you simultaneously give pleasure to your partner. This past weekend, he generously went down on me until I came—and this was before we even touched the strap-on.

Then, he helped me into the device and tightened the harness until it was a perfect fit. It’s easier if your partner helps with this part. Plus, getting rigged up in and of itself can be a major turn-on. And the stunning visual can do a whole lot for all parties involved.

Enhance your sex life — and strengthen your bond

Many of us get pleasure simply by giving it. Making our partner all hot and bothered can, in turn, get us aroused and ready to go.

If you’re wondering how to get your partner interested in trying pegging (whether you’re the one pegging or being pegged), start with a simple conversation. Maybe you can send them an article on the topic (such as this one!), listen to a podcast, or watch a YouTube video together that covers the basic mechanics of Pegging 101, like this fabulous and informative video from Sexplanations.

Go slow, use more lube than you think you need, and constantly check-in. If you’re the one wearing the strap-on, remember that’s it’s not actually a part of your body and you can’t feel what you’re doing when you’re inside your partner. This is where talking is crucial for safety.

Start slow and learn what your partner likes by having them guide you. Do they want you to go deeper, faster, or slower? Keep the communication going.

My partner happens to like an intense and fast pegging, doggie style, as he strokes himself. It’s one of the most challenging workouts I’ve ever experienced. Because fucking someone is really a lot of work — and it’s toning a set of muscles you’ve never used before!

Be safe and have fun while pegging. It can improve your relationship dynamic, strengthen your communication skills, and enhance your sex life.

You can find more of my work at medium.com/@holly.bradshaw

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