It’s not because the patriarchy brainwashed me
Some women choose not to remove their body hair. Some prefer the natural state of their pubic, underarm, or leg hair. And some refuse to shave as an act of rebellion against the patriarchy or societal standards of beauty.
I’m of the belief that anyone can do what they like with their pubic hair. It’s a personal decision whether you shave, trim, or go natural — but the biggest priority is that you’re happy, healthy, and comfortable in your body.
I don’t base my decision to remove my hair on any outside persuasion. I base it on what I want for my body.
I truly respect and appreciate a woman’s choice to shave or not shave for whatever reason she sees fit. Some have had the experience of being oppressed or forced or pressured into shaving, so I understand the need to go against the grain.
I see my shaved lady parts as an act of feminism because it’s what I want. I’m grateful I have the freedom to tune out what anyone else thinks, and I don’t care if it’s looked down on by some as the popular choice or the slutty “porn look” choice or the patriarchy-approved choice.
It’s my choice.
To me, that’s feminism. Independent thought, and being valued enough and liberated enough to do whatever you damn well please with your body hair.
I shave my legs because growing the hair out exacerbates my eczema. I shave under my arms because it feels more comfortable. And I shave my pubic hair for a number of different reasons, all of which involve my comfort, sexual pleasure, and personal preference.
My grooming habits are based on what I want. Expectations put in place by society don’t factor in the decision. No, I’m not brainwashed by the patriarchy or razor companies. I simply do what I like with my body.
Not shaving my body hair just to stick it to the patriarchy (even though I prefer shaving for all sorts of personal reasons) would be just as problematic as shaving because society tells me to.
Some men love a woman who shaves her outer vulva. Other men prefer or even need at least some pubic hair on a woman. I’ve had an ex-boyfriend tell me that a shaved woman doesn’t seem sophisticated or worldly enough, and that there should be some hair down there so that she’s more “sexually appealing.”
That’s a personal preference that works for him, but it’s just not for me.
I just groom my vulva the way I like.
And I like it smooth.
Discovering my personal preference
I’ve read many articles online on the matter of female body hair. Probably more than any one person needs to read. Some of them hint at or outright describe shaving as a shameful, self-hating activity that we do only because it’s the way we’ve been programmed.
But I think it’s all about doing what’s right for you. Do you love the feel of your freshly shaved legs against your bedsheets? Or against the skin of your lover’s hand?
Do you love the curl and thickness of your pubic hair? Does it make you feel more feminine, more sexually confident, more whole?
No matter what anyone thinks, do what you love.
Not shaving my body hair just to stick it to the patriarchy (even though I prefer shaving for all sorts of personal reasons) would be just as problematic as shaving because society tells me to.
Once I was old enough to have plenty of hair on my pubic region, I never felt pressure from anyone to shave. My mom didn’t suggest it, and none of the razor commercials of ladies performing synchronized swim routines in colorful bathing suits made me feel pressured one way or another.
What I did get frustrated with, however, was how my tuft of hair would become increasingly difficult to keep clean when I got my period.
Before I learned to use tampons, my dark, thick curls would get tangled in the blood of a soaked pad, and dry toilet paper did little to help the issue. I eventually started using tampons, but I played a lot of sports and still had plenty of mess and sweat to deal with.
I wasn’t a fan of the coarse feeling whenever I touched it, either. I didn’t like the smell, especially during that time of the month (even though I bathed each night). And I didn’t like the stray hairs sprouting out every which direction from my underwear.
I decided my feelings on my hairy lady parts before anyone told me to, before I saw porn, and before I ever had sex. Boyfriends didn’t see me naked until I was 17, so I’d had plenty of time to come to the conclusion naturally.
And then, I discovered sex. And, especially, my love of oral sex. Now, as a full-fledged adult who very much enjoys sex, I’ve found more reasons to love my smoothly shaved pleasure zone.
Increased sensation and pleasure
The feel of my partner’s hands or tongue or penis against my vulva is far more pleasurable when I’m shaved.
I love the skin-on-skin contact. The warmth and wetness of his tongue directly on my sensitive folds, the feel of his fingers exploring my exposed self. I can more thoroughly enjoy a friction-free vaginal massage. And I love the glorious sensation of smooth, silky lube down there.
Without pubic hair, my sensation and pleasure increases. It helps me not only have more intense orgasms, but more orgasms in general.
A better experience giving oral
There’s no double standard here. My preference for shaved genitals goes for any gender of the person I’m pleasuring.
I’m a big fan of giving partners as much pleasure as I can. Arousing them arouses me, and that’s one reason why I’m such a big fan of performing oral sex.
If my male partner has pubic hair, it’s more difficult to properly lick and suck his balls. And it’s a lot less sexy when hair is constantly scraping against my tongue or getting caught in the back of my throat. Nothing breaks the mood like stopping at the peak of pleasure to hack up a few stray hairs.
Easier to keep clean
I’ll probably get some pushback on this one especially. First of all, I understand and agree that there are absolutely no health benefits to shaving, and that having pubic hair is not in any way unhygienic. You can be perfectly clean with a full bush. In the same way, you can be smooth as a rose petal and not practice good hygiene habits.
However, I’m able to maintain cleanliness more easily by staying shaved. There’s a lot going on down there for me. Sweat, my own sexy juices, blood, urine — it’s a busy place. Add the fact that I’m a runner to the equation.
I like that I don’t have to take the time to thoroughly wash another set of hair in the shower. All I need is a relaxing swipe or two from my sudsy bath loofah on my bare skin, and I’m good to go.
I feel more sexually confident
I simply love the beautiful aesthetic of my shaved vulva. Even though I know the bare look isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, it happens to be more visually appealing to me.
But it’s not just about what’s on the surface. I also feel sexier when I’m shaved. Removing my pubic hair fully exposes my most feminine and private parts. You can more easily see my labia, my clit, my vaginal opening. Even when my legs are closed, I like the look of that telling line at the beginning of my slit — it opens to a world of my femininity and pleasure.
Baring myself naked in this way, as naked and exposed and vulnerable as I can be, gives me a thrill. Perhaps it’s the exhibitionist in me?
I Don’t Have a “Patriarchal Pussy”
My preference to shave isn’t a result of feeling shame. I’ve not been shaped or stifled by a culture of patriarchy and commercial beauty standards. I understand that has been some women’s experience — and that’s a problem we need to address by being more open and not judgemental of women’s bodies. It simply hasn’t been my experience.
I don’t spend much on razors. For my legs, I actually get a better shave with a set of Lady Bics (about $5 for a set of ten, which lasts me three months or more).
I’m saving plenty of time and money on the fact that I literally never get a manicure, rarely paint my own nails, don’t often visit the salon, and typically don’t wear makeup more than once or twice a week. Because, again, it’s not really about societal beauty standards or practices pushed upon me, it’s about what I like to do with my body.
I also don’t spend a lot of time or money maintaining my pubic hair. I prefer using an electric shaver that’s actually meant for beards. It’s quick, easy, and gentle on my skin. While I do get bumps and shaving if I use a mechanical razor, I don’t get them with the electric one, because it’s not as close of a shave.
So to anyone considering the question of beauty and body hair and what it means to our identity: we’re all entitled to follow our own path. Enjoy the freedom to shave or not shave. Do what brings you joy, pleasure, health, and happiness.
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